the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
