Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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