I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
