Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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