idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
