Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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