just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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