Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
