the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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