yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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