Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dick very happy bro
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
