This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
