Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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