No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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