Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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