cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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