hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
honey bunches of taint.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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