found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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