I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
