Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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