Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
