I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
