its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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