She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
