it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
