do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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