Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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