I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
