You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
