apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
