You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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