so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
not ubering you a puppy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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