Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
