i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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