he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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