he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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