im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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