Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
