I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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