I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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