I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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