I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
