I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
