Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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