I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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