I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
