i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
