some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
