So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
