The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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