The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
