I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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