I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
