i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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