I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
