my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
