Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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