My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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