so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
