I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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