I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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