I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
