And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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