dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
